Renewed Interest in Friends’ Fitness Since Bears Arrived in Bedford

September 27, 2018
Callie and her Bear – Cute as this picture is, getting cozy with the bears wandering through Bedford is NOT RECOMMENDED – Image (c) Susan Leonard Ackerman, 2018 all rights reserved

By The Bedford Scallion

With the recent slew of local bear sightings, people are learning how to be safe. Editor’s Note: While Callie snuggling with her bear pal is cute, it is NOT RECOMMENDED BEHAVIOR for humans and Bedford’s ursine visitors.

Google has reported over 5 million (+/-  4.9 million)  searches on bear safety coming from zip code 01730. The articles explain various techniques, not making eye contact seems to be important.  Good news for the engineers, and other introverts.

Other tips include going the other way (a good tip).  Talking is important, but there’s no advice as to what you should say,  just keep it light.

Apparently, bears have poor eyesight, so making an obscene gesture may not help but probably won’t hurt.

If all these tips fail, and you find yourself in a close encounter with a bear, the expert advice is to fight back, soiling oneself is optional.

All the experts agree that you can NOT outrun a bear.  This realization brings us to a renewed interest in fitness and relationships.  As has been pointed out by many people, you can’t outrun a bear… but …you can outrun your friends.  Which leaves us all to ponder the question, which of my friends can I beat in a race?   If you find yourself being invited to go on a walk with younger, fitter friends, know you’re being set up.

To paraphrase an old gambling saying, If you don’t who the slowest in a group is – it you!

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